My journal entry this morning:
I am grateful for the Word and all its truths. I hardly slept a wink last night, tossing and turning, checking the clock every other hour, robbed of peace. We made offers on two homes this week – one on a newer, spacious, practical house about which I did not have a good/peaceful feeling, the other on a smaller, older, charming house I liked instantly but fear we might outgrow before the kids are grown. We are in waiting mode. Our trusty and hardworking realtor (who’s shown me about 50 homes throughout four neighboring cities) may have had it with me. Understandably, she can’t tell anymore what I’ll like or dislike and what I want most (since no house is perfect and compromise is always necessary) and is currently taking a break from returning my texts or email. (Do realtors fire clients or will I be the first in history??)
I don’t know what to do. DH, being the practical, unemotional, financially prudent guy that he is, says, “I just want a house with enough space and good schools that’s within our budget.” Wish it (or I) were that simple. So I’m feeling alone in this huge decision. And frankly, I’m not good with big decisions. I sometimes get paralyzed when I weigh all the pros and cons and what if’s of major life choices. In fact, I was losing hope that we’d ever find the house I’ve been praying for (in great detail) when we made the two offers. I’m still not sure that either is “the right one.”
But because God is funny and wise and knows and sees all, this morning He led me straight to James 4:13-17, which reads:
Now listen, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow, we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.’ Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, ‘If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.’ As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.
Oh yeah. What is the point of fretting so much over what might, could, would, should or will happen tomorrow? My life and my family’s future is in our loving Creator’s hands. All I need to know, trust and love is the One who leads, comforts, protects and provides for us. And be thankful for every breath He gives us, here and now. Thank you, Jesus.
‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'” (Jeremiah 29:11)
Today will be a good day, sleep-deprived or not. And so will tomorrow. And the day after that…