You know when you think you’re pretty friggin’ awesome at something, but then life kicks your overinflated @ss a couple times (maybe more, if you’re a little “slow” like me) and you suddenly realize, “Crap. I kinda suck at that, actually”?
Well. Seems I’ve been deluding myself for some time into thinking I gots me some mad multi-tasking skills. For years now I’ve put up a pretty good front that I can “do it all”, and do it all well. Like some of you perhaps, I have a tough time saying “no” when asked to do, help with or be part of something, either because of she-guilt or because I hate missing out on anything. The problem is that we overambitious busybody types bite off more than we can chew, even when we’re already exhausted or overscheduled. Not surprisingly, we then end up anxious and overwhelmed or take care of business but with poor execution (e.g., tardiness, flakiness, forgetfulness).
As for me, I can’t even blame the insanity entirely on external pressures – what I think others want or expect of me. Because truth be told, I myself want it all. I want to be purposeful, I want to be present, I want to have fun, I want to be fit, I want to be holy, I want to be helpful, I want to be active, I want to be introspective. I want to work hard, play hard. I want to live well, write well, cook well, dress well, mom well, wife well, friend well, woman well. And that hunger to be on top of everything without dropping anything? It only intensifies if someone marvels: “How do you do it?” “Where do you get all that energy?” “How is it you have three kids and are still so put together?
Well, that’s just it – I can’t, I don’t, and I’m not. Or at least, not very well. I’m dropping balls left and right.
Last week, in the final hours of a 3-day, out-of-state conference I attended with a friend, I:
- misplaced the folder holding all my precious, copious, handwritten notes, and frantically retraced my day’s steps three times over without success (**happy ending: the conference organizers found and delivered it in the 11th hour);
- couldn’t find my sneakers from right under my nose, in the top layer of my luggage, as we changed for our flight home (so I had to stumble through the airport in sky-high heels lugging two big bags);
- forgot my curling iron and brush in the hotel room, which I found only because I raced back there (while the airport cab waited outside) to search for them invisible sneakers;
- panicked momentarily that I lost my boarding pass in the short distance from the check-in counter to the gate; and finally…..drumroll please….
- missed our flight home altogether, because Friend and I, both starving, were busy eating, recapping and laughing away while the plane boarded and departed, with our luggage still in it!
I must have groaned, “What is wrong with me??” a dozen times that day. But truth is, I needed that beatdown. What is “wrong with me” is that “non-stop, 24-7” is not an O.K. pace at which to live life. That snowballing debacle of an evening forced me to admit that being occupied all waking hours, juggling several tasks at once, or doing one thing after another with no respite in between, does NOT mean I’m “on top of things” or doing well. I can’t do it all. No one can. But I can slow down, simplify, and do less, do life, better. With more calm, more focus and fewer blunders.
How many of you (especially you moms) are feeling me just about now? How many of us are running a rat race essentially against “me, myself and I”? Honestly, to what degree are we forgetting, confusing and misplacing things more and more as we let life get increasingly, needlessly busier?
Friends, we’ve heard it said a dozen different ways:
“DO LESS. ACCOMPLISH MORE.”
“DO LESS BETTER.”
“FOCUS MORE. DO LESS.”
“DO LESS MORE.”
“DO LESS. GET MORE DONE.”
“DO LESS MORE EFFECTIVELY.”
How long can we afford to disbelieve or ignore this simple wisdom? If we’re to be effective and successful at even one thing in our busy and demanding lives, sooner or later we have to stop, simplify and prioritize. No doubt, we will live better as a result.
As if the message didn’t come loud and clear enough last week, God lovingly pounded it into me at church yesterday with a very compelling sermon on “The Undistracted Life.” If you’re serious about this minimizing and prioritizing thing too, come back later this week for Part 2 and I’ll share the three key how-to’s I learned for living an undistracted life and living it well.
I can’t believe you missed your flight– sigh- but the same thing happened to me before, in Mexico City, while traveling with my entire family because I got caught up with getting deals at the duty free shop. We had to pay for extra tickets (which was more expensive than our original ones) and I still feel guilty to my entire family until this day (which also is this mommy guilt thing I should just free myself from). I tell myself to prioritize all the time but in midst of motherhood I even forget to tell myself that. Hah. You’re doing a great job momma. You write, you take care of three kids and a husband..you’re a hero in my book!
Thanks for the encouragement, as always, Angela. You are doing wonderfully yourself. Your writing and life are inspiring to many. Keep sharing. xoxo.
This post must be relatable for all mothers! I think there is an epidemic of wanting to be an overachiever. We are at times more concerned of what others will think than we are the quality of work we do. Quality over quantity pretty much never fails, in any aspect of life. I had to make a conscious effort to learn to say NO… To almost everything and yes to just a couple of things. Maybe it just happens with age but you come to a point where you hit a brick wall, at least I did. You find yourself mentally and emotionally, not to mention physically, on E!! I had a well meaning lady at church once tell me that if you were asked to do something you were being called of God and should never say no. Well, she was asking me to teach Sunday school, I’d already been down that road multiple times and as a mother of 3 little ones I knew I could not do it anymore. She was very resistant to my answer and tried her best to guilt me into it. I had to stand my ground.
I want to say that as parents I firmly believe we must also teach our children to not over commit themselves. In the area in which we live many people are quite blessed financially and there are countless opportunities for children to play most any sport you can imagine. I think these things are great and many lessons can be learned, especially time management. However many parents use those things as a way to wear their kid out and it’s ‘less time they have to deal with them’ . That perhaps is a whole ‘ nother bone to pick . But here is a classic example: an acquaintance says to me ” my kids are in ice skating, piano, taekwondo, dance, softball and gymnastics. They’re complaining they’re tired.” I said “I’m tired just thinking about it!” Should have told her even yellow cab would want to retire from that schedule!!! Oh yea, where does schoolwork enter into that equation?!
Our kids are watching us, they see where our priorities lie and how we handle things. I think we need to be mindful of that.
Oh, you are so very wise. “Quality over quantity pretty much never fails, in any aspect of life.” I confess I AM that very person to whom people frequently say, “I’m tired just thinking about your day/schedule.” And I am that very mom who rarely allows for down-time for her kids too. Gotta change all of that pronto. PRAY FOR ME, my friend. I want my kids to have the right priorities.
Thank you so much for being so respectful to what I had to say, you’ve no idea how much I needed encouragement today! As you may recall I was raised by my father who had little smarts perhaps but a ton of wisdom. I am currently suffering from a complex of ‘ I have little higher education the world thinks I’m dumb’ . But then I recall that even Solomon asked for wisdom.
When the kids were little I told them they could each have 1 extra curricular activity per season, because if they each had one thing that meant mom had 3 things!! I’m not even kidding when I tell you that’s about the extent of my math skills! But it helped them understand why they couldn’t do everything at once.
Also, I touched on this earlier, we must reevaluate our motivation for doing the things we do. Are we looking for accolades from those around us, as we make our Oscar award winning attempts at being Super Mom? Many times these attempts make us grouchy so that those we love can’t stand being around us! We are molding and shaping human beings…. And the cycle continues unless we break it.
None of these things are said in judgement, but out of experience!!!
Never be reluctant to share. I love learning from others’ experiences and am doing my best to make judgment a non-existence and non-factor in my life. You are right. Indeed, I sometimes get real grouchy and hard to be around when I’m overwhelmed (due to no fault but my own). Thx for the reminder.
Hahahahaha. This is me ever day! I find my cell phone in the fridge, the closet and under diapers on the changing table. I forget major events or schedule them wrong in my calendar. I already think I am doing so much less and it is still bad!
Ain’t that right? I know. It’s craziness. I’ve found my cell in the freezer, my keys under my mop, argued with my “find my iPhone” that TOLD me my cell was still at home… And we’re not alone in this, Elisha. We need to do less. And then, even less. xoxo.