• Home
  • About
  • Subscribe
  • Links
  • Archives
  • Contact

Anita Catch My Breath

Life's Gettin' Real

  • Eye-Openers
  • Faith
  • Humor
  • Dating & Marriage
  • Parenting
  • Friendship
  • Refueling
  • 9 Lives

Smart Girls, Brave Girls Win.

by Anita 10 Comments

“Listen up, baby girl.  Pretty girls have fun but smart girls have everything.  So be smart.  Ok?”

These priceless words of wisdom were imparted to my 7-year-old by two “smart, sassy and a little smart @ss-y” twenty-something “nieces” whom I’ve watched grow since birth. Their mum, my cousin-in-law and 15 years my senior, was the older sister I never had — my confidante and adviser.  I, in turn, aimed to be “the cool aunt” and confidante to them, chaperoning their birthday parties, kidnapping them for outings to the beach or movies, and when they grew older, hearing them out on topics that might be hard for them to discuss with their mum. And now, I’m grateful that they’re like big sisters to my otherwise sister-less little girl.  Of course, I told Nieces that the buck stops here when it comes to our generational code of keeping secrets from “Mom” (i.e., me) for one another, but they dismissed me immediately. “No way, gomo (auntie). You know that’s not how it works.” Dangit.

Maybe I am a bit of a tiger-mom (tiger lady genes run in the fam), but I wholeheartedly believe we parents should have high expectations of our kids, because kids tend to live up to only what’s expected of them and all too often, not much more. So why set the bar low? Let life and circumstances check them, if needed. But us? We should be their champions, cheerleaders, coaches. We pick them up when they fall, we brush their knees off, and we give them good luck kisses and thumbs-up, but then, we send them off, with confidence. Kids are keen; they sense and absorb our confidence in them.

When I was a child, my mom clearly wanted me to be a girly girl. She put me in ballet, ice-skating, piano and art lessons. She never even considered putting me in martial arts or sports as she did my big brother. She’d dress me like an Asian Nellie Oleson – poofy dresses, hair ribbons, the whole shebang.  She’d be so pleased when people would remark that I was pretty. Imagine her horror then when she’d catch me, a tomboy at heart, barefoot and sweaty, my skirt hiked up and panties showing, running and playing baseball in the cul-de-sac with Brother and all the boys on the block, or riding on the handlebars of their bikes, or high up in a tree I’d just climbed. And my knees. Ohhhh, my knees. I don’t recall them ever not being bloodied or covered in dry scabs. I used to try to hide my fresh scrapes from Mom for fear of her scoldings: “Eh-nee-tah! What happened?! Who’s going to marry you with knees like that?!”  (Um, I’m seven, Mom. Not really thinking about marriage just yet.)

 

Little Bo Peep
dolly-like
church choir girl #2
ballerina days
Korean (or American Indian?) Nellie Oleson

By the way, I’d like to take this opportunity to tell y’all that, were it not for dear Mom’s old-fashioned, preconceived notions about how a girl should be — I’d probably be showing Serena Williams a thing or two on the court, or terrorizing Laila Ali in the ring, or out-mushing Susan Butcher on a dog sled or something. (Okay, maybe not, but you get the picture. I was held back, people!!)  Now the world will never know what fierce talents, had they been fostered since childhood, I’d be blessing the world with today.

Okay, end of digression.  In contrast to how I was raised, if Brother struggled in a school subject, a tutor was hired.  If I struggled, it didn’t matter as much because “girls don’t need to be as smart” anyways.  (Note: This sentiment was never expressly stated in our home but I inferred that that was the deal.)  But because I was motivated, I studied my tail off and paved my own way to academic success. When I was deciding among universities, Mom suggested I stay in-state, primarily for the cost savings but also because I might “meet [my] future husband at school”. She calculated that if future husband and I meet and graduate in California, there’s a higher likelihood we’ll stay/live nearby or in-state after graduation.  (Funny, I don’t recall future marriage and spouse being factors when the geographical location of my brother’s university choices was discussed.) And while my folks footed the bill for my brother’s private university tuition, I took out loans (and repaid them myself) to attend public university. After that, I earned a merit-based partial scholarship and took out the remaining half in loans to attend a top-tier private law school. Ironically, because my parents worried less over me, I learned to figure things out on my own and that has turned out to be a tremendous blessing in life

FullSizeRender(4)When I gave birth to my daughter, I vowed never to hold her back or treat her progress, pursuits or successes as any less valuable than those of my sons. We gave her “a boy name” for a middle name in case she turned out to be a tomboy or just preferred it. We encourage her to read…a lot, so that her knowledge of the world, history, geography, literature and culture grows. We push her to try her hand at any sport she fancies. Luckily, she’s bright, coordinated, and mentally and physically capable.  Unfortunately, she’s not all that eager to hone her intellect or physical skills. For now anyways, she rarely finds pleasure in reading, challenges in chess or other mental exercises, or playing many sports. We encourage her to cultivate more rugged or academic pursuits, but she prefers art, singing and make-believe play. Her handwriting, drawings (from both imagination and imitation) and creative talents are clear and impressive. But I want her to know and experience everything, free of gender-specific limitations or expectations, so she never looks back and says “woulda, coulda, shoulda.” So, against her protests, I signed her up for voice, piano, swimming, golf, softball, Krav Maga (Israeli military martial arts) and basketball. (She protested mostly because she was afraid of “being bad” at those things.) And you know what? Fine – she isn’t good at all of it, but she has the kindest heart, a beautiful voice that can carry a tune well, strong form and endurance in swimming, a decent hand at golf, agility, prowess and drive in basketball and some day, the ability to kick butt (or at least defend herself), all of which have boosted her self-confidence. Never underestimate yourself or avoid trying for fear of failure, baby girl.

a born artist
“Thrift Shop” routine – “I’ma take your grandpa’s style” (literally)
Shoot and…SCORE!
Our brave fisherwoman even hooks worms!
Who says you can’t skateboard in a tutu?
Graduating from bunny slopes!
sweet childhood pleasures
Attack those waves!
the world thru her eyes
my girl

Baby girl, be kind, wise, strong and confident, choose your friends, circle and spouse wisely, and show love for God and others in all you do. If you have that, you will be smart, brave, kind and beautiful, inside and out. And you’ll have more than just “fun”. You’ll have “everything” — everything that matters anyways.

Facebooktwitterrssinstagram

Share this:

  • Tweet
  • Print
  • Email

Related

Filed Under: Eye-Openers, Humor, Parenting Tagged With: brains over beauty, brave girls, inner beauty, parenting, parenting girls, raising girls, raising women, smart girls, strong girls, teaching our daughters, teaching our girls

Don’t miss a post–subscribe now!

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comments

  1. Nancy Davis Kho says

    April 30, 2015 at 9:56 pm

    So glad I got to meet you tonight at the LTYM reading and I love this post – so great that the nieces to whom you were an “Other Mother” are now that to your girl!

    Reply
    • Anita says

      May 1, 2015 at 7:43 am

      Thank you, Nancy! But oh, the pleasure, and privilege, were all mine! So inspired by your writing, the messages behind your stories, and the grace with which you handle your success.

      Reply
  2. Min says

    February 28, 2015 at 12:48 pm

    Wonderful post and you’re truly a gracious, God-loving, and genuinely, Daughter-loving Mom to your little girl. Your photos are the best! I was crying (inside) while reading this post because it made me think of my Mom and the way she “raised” and “influenced” my childhood ( my most impressive years. ) You’re so right on when saying that all these ideas from my Mom were “inferred” upon me. I too vowed to raise my daughter – quite differently from the way I was raised when my husband and I found out we’re having a girl. Thank you so much for sharing. (wiping away some tears.)

    Reply
    • Anita says

      February 28, 2015 at 4:00 pm

      Oh, Min! My eyes started tearing up just reading your comment. I’m sure we both love our moms dearly and know they did the best they knew how. But that doesn’t mean we can’t take the lessons learned from their mistakes and improve upon them with our own little girls. And someday our girls will hopefully improve upon our mistakes and do us right too. Xoxo.

      Reply
  3. Cynthia says

    February 26, 2015 at 6:46 pm

    Anita,

    I always enjoy reading your post. But this particular one, hits me and my heart hard. I am so thankful for you to share this. I am so proud of you and your daughter.

    Reply
    • Anita says

      February 28, 2015 at 11:41 am

      Thank you, Cynthia! I’m guessing that you have a daughter too? Or had similar experiences as me growing up? Either way, thanks for your comment and encouragement, and I wish you wisdom, courage, strength and adventure as well. xoxo.

      Reply
  4. Eva says

    February 24, 2015 at 9:21 am

    I love this! I love the fact that you are trying your best to not genderize her! All the things you are doing for her will just make her stronger and boost her self-esteem, especially once she gets into middle school!

    Thanks for sharing, Anita 🙂

    Reply
    • Anita says

      February 28, 2015 at 11:42 am

      Thanks, Eva! Let’s hope so. There’s no reason girls can’t do what boys do, or vice versa,…and even do them better! 😉

      Reply
  5. Annie says

    February 24, 2015 at 8:19 am

    Great post and so inspiring! I had a similar upbringing and your story rings so true to my own experiences. My husband and I are expecting our first, its a girl, and I hope to give here all the opportunities she deserves to be the best she can be and live her life as a smart and fun girl too!

    Reply
    • Anita says

      February 24, 2015 at 9:15 pm

      Thanks for your comment, Annie, and congrats and warm wishes for a healthy, full-term pregnancy and safe delivery! A daughter is such a profound, lifelong blessing! Yes, give her all the opportunities, support and confidence you can, and her life will be off to a great start.

      Reply

Ready Or Not, Here I Come.

Classy 'n sassy, flawed but forgiven,
I'm a bit of a mess...but teachable, yes.
You may just laugh, you may just cry,
"Oh no she di-int! Say wha? And why?"
'Cause life is short and sh*t gets real.
So let's be real. We got a deal?

Catch up next week?

Facebooktwitterrssinstagram

Top Posts

House Hunting & Keeping Up With Them Joneses

Smart Girls, Brave Girls Win.

Give Your Kids An Edge: Instill a Problem-Solving Mindset

40s is NOT the new 20s...or 30s even. But hold up, Ladies - It ain't so bad!

I Don't Want My Kids to Be Happy

The Evolution of Love, Part 3 – Reality Check: Marriage & that Damn 7-Year Itch

The A-Hole Who Wrecked David Beckham's Date With His Daughter

A Mother's Love-Hate Relationship...With Cooking

LIVE OR DIE. (But I'm Only 17!)

Wait. Does Rob Fukuzaki Think I'm Stalking Him?!

I Won't Disown God Because, Surprisingly, He Hasn't Disowned Me

Confessions of a "Spirited" Mom, Vol. 1 (of 1,000)

My Top 10 Pregnancy Peeves

What a Real Boss Lady Taught Me About Motherhood

Simplify and Do Life Better, Part 1

Top 10 Mortifying Moments, Part 2: Impressing a New Boyfriend

Top 10 Mortifying Moments, Part 1: Making Friends

Serve the Less Fortunate and You'll Be All the Richer

Getting Real About Work-Life Balance and Stay-at-Home Motherhood

Nothing Wastes Time and Life Like Unforgiveness

Grace and Courage, Courage and Grace

Instagram

anitacatchmybreath

anitacatchmybreath
Gotcha where I wantcha; now I’m gonna eatcha! Lo Gotcha where I wantcha; now I’m gonna eatcha! Love bites = my love language #scarymommyconfessions
These days facemask + lashes = dressing up. #covi These days facemask + lashes = dressing up.  #covidlife
It’s just like that magical, overwhelming, forev It’s just like that magical, overwhelming, forever-life-changing moment when you hold your newborn babe for the first time...

Except that it’s a fluffy round bunny in your arms. 
Well, and the bunny isn’t even yours. 
And....you’re still a baby yourself. So, no.

In other words, it’s Nothing like that moment.
Outdoor walks and the sights and sounds of nature Outdoor walks and the sights and sounds of nature help maintain my peace...and sanity these days.  What’s helping you?
Blown away by the poem written and recited by exce Blown away by the poem written and recited by exceptional 22yo Amanda Gorman at Biden’s inauguration this morning.

"THE HILL WE CLIMB" Poem Transcript:

Dr. Biden, Madam Vice President, Mr. Emhoff, Americans, and the world.

When day comes, we ask ourselves, where can we find light in this never ending shade?
The loss we carry, a sea. We must wade. 
We've graved the belly of the beast.
We've learned that quiet isn't always peace.
In the norms and notions of what just is, isn't always justice.
And yet the dawn is ours before we knew it. Somehow we do it.
Somehow we've weathered and witnessed a nation that isn't broken, but simply unfinished.
We, the successors of a country and the time where a skinny Black girl descended from slaves and raised by a single mother can dream of becoming president only to find herself reciting for one.
And yes, we are far from polished, far from pristine, but that doesn't mean we are striving to form a union that is perfect.
We are striving to forge our union with purpose.

To compose a country, committed to all cultures, colors, characters, and conditions of man.
And so we lift our gaze, not to what stands between us, but what stands before us
We close the divide because we know to put our future first, we must first put our differences aside.
We lay down our arms so we can reach out our arms to one another. We seek harm to none and harmony for all.
Let the globe, if nothing else say, this is true.
That even as we grieved, we grew.
That even as we hurt, we hoped. 
That even as we tired, we tried that will forever be tied together victorious.
Not because we will never again know defeat, but because we will never again sow division.
Scripture tells us to envision that everyone shall sit under their own vine and fig tree and no one shall make them afraid
If we're to live up to our own time, then victory won't lie in the blade, but in all the bridges we've made.
That is the promise to glade the hill we climb.
If only we dare it's because being American is more than a pride we inherit.
It's the past we step into and how we repair it.

We close the divide because we know to put our future first, we must first put our differences aside
Reposting @thejoywarrior. She called it. This is Reposting @thejoywarrior.  She called it. This is nothing less than terrorism.  By U.S. citizens. On their own Capitol. To protest the lawful, democratic ousting of a President who can not acknowledge facts or truth, or accept defeat, or abide by - much less uphold - the law and our Constitution. God, please humble and hold our nation accountable, that we might be blessed once more. NO ONE can “MAGA” but You, God. You, who desires goodness, humility, and brotherly love among us all.
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Copyright © 2021 · Anita Catch My Breath · All Rights Reserved

loading Cancel
Post was not sent - check your email addresses!
Email check failed, please try again
Sorry, your blog cannot share posts by email.