"Ma'am, unfortunately the price is not negotiable. We're not authorized to sell below the prices dictated to us by the manufacturer." Oh really? Fast forward 10 minutes. YUP, Mom got that St. John suit at a discount...from Nordstrom. I witnessed this feat at about age 9. (But let's be honest, no one can handle Mom's passionate soliloquys longer than about 10 minutes. Good effort though, Nordy saleslady.) "Ma'am, the charge is that you were speeding at 72mph in a 45mph zone. How do you plead - guilty or not guilty?" "Uhh...not dat guilty." The invention of an entirely new plea category … [Read more...]
Top 10 Mortifying Moments – Part 1: Making Friends Anita-Style
A few months back, I took my 9-year-old to a new friend's birthday party at Dave and Busters (a national restaurant/arcade/sports bar chain), where I knew none of the other guests. I was dragging a bit so when Son sat down at the party table, I excused myself and slipped out to grab some coffee at Starbucks next door. Thanks to D&B's "NO OUTSIDE FOOD OR DRINKS" policy, I was detained at the door from reentering until I finished downing my scalding hot coffee. By the time I returned to the party, the kids had already eaten and scrambled out of the dining room into the large arcade area, … [Read more...]
40s is NOT the new 20s…or 30s even. But hold up, Ladies – It ain’t so bad!
Not too long ago, I walked out of the shower past the bathroom mirrors and stopped dead in my tracks, aghast at what followed me in the mirror. I blurted aloud, "Whose butt is that? Whose butt is that...because I know it ain't mine?!" And then, folks, yes, I did the unthinkable. I rotated my body further so that my rear-end now faced the mirror square-on, and then...I clenched those cheeks. Ohhhh, the HORROR. Somehow, overnight, my once-perky, atypically (for Asians at least) round and buoyant Benita Applebum had dropped a couple inches. And when I clenched, dimples that would've been so … [Read more...]
What now??
What do I wanna be when I grow up? Crappy nuggets. I should know by now. In your 20's, you get a pass. You're expected to be a little lost; you're still fumbling about, discovering who you are and in what direction to head. In your 30's, you've (hopefully) found yourself and are making some headway securing your future. In your 40's and 50's, you may be so privileged as to get to ponder more grandiose questions having less to do with immediate basic necessities: "What is the meaning of life anyway? And what will be my legacy?" Well...I'm turning 40 next week, have been a "work-in-progress" … [Read more...]